Monday, 21 November 2011

No more tears!

How did it happen? Where things went wrong? What did I do? What will I do now? What will I say to my parents? What will Priya say on my out-of-the-blue-unemployment? Why on the earth I overreacted on this rebound thing when I myself was just playing this dating game for the sake of my job and increased salary? How will I pay the rent now? How will i….. Oh gosh! I am getting mad. In last four hours I have asked these questions zillion times to myself but have failed to figure out even one answer. I have ruined my career and my life.
I am sitting on my sofa still in this way too frilly yellow frock, looking awful and feeling cold. I exactly don’t remember walking out of the Natasha’s office after getting myself fired and reaching home. Did I walk? Hail the cab? Grab the train? I don’t know. I don’t know anything other than the reality and reality is that I am fired and sitting in my studio apartment and now I have no idea what will I do. I didn’t realize how long I have been sitting on the sofa without moving a single muscle until my phone brings me back to life. I fish in my old battered Tommy Hilfiger bag (which I bought in my good old days i.e when I had a job) and haul out my BlackBerry. It’s Vikrant calling. Without allowing myself a moment I hit the red button, switched it off and shove it inside the sofa. I never ever wish to hear from him. Ever again. I can feel hot tears pressing at back of my eyes; initially I try to swallow them back but then think better off and let them drip down in my lap. I want to let myself cry, yell, feel like a shit. Maybe it will teach me how not to ruin my life if I ever get around to built it again and use my brain instead of my daft heart be it in my personal life or professional life. Though as of now both of them are in tatter, spoiled and nearly finished.

After crying for solid twenty minutes, I drag myself towards the bed, en-route remove the hair band and dash it out of the window. Throwing myself on the bed, I pull the duvet over my head and let myself engulf in sadness. I don’t remember how long but I let myself cry until there are no more tears to roll out from my puffy eyes, my throat is soar and all I could manage is to sob , sob until my throat aches some more and my heart beats little more slower. I won't even mind if it stops right now beacuse it's hurting more with every heart beat.

Signing off:
Fired girl in the big city!!

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