So bad So far..!!

Oh gosh! I have just dropped my gorgeous shocking pink nail paint on the bus floor… Shit! Shit! Shit! Actually it’s not me who dropped it, it’s the nasty fat man on the seat next to me who full forcedly nudging in my ribs since I climbed on the bus and causing all the havoc about putting on Kohl, mascara, compact and now painting my toe nails. I told him several times about my sad story of not-having-time-to-put-on-any-makeup-earlier but he doesn’t seem to understand a word. Moron!

Well let me tell you its 5 a.m now and I am on my way to Goa with Priya and thanks to her superb (last minute and I really mean just 10minutes before the scheduled bus time) tickets arrangement we got two different seats. I am stuck with this old man and she is thanking her stars as she has directly landed next to the model-type (delicious) hunk who happily let her swap her seat for the window seat with him. Arrrrgggggggggggg……I hate her, I mean she is getting married in couple of months with probably one of the cutest guy in the city and still god has to shower her with all the attention from the mirror cracking guys and me, look at me, I am bloody single, living in the big city, work in fashion magazine, in my way to the exotic city of beaches and god has cursed me with the obscene language in the mumbling form from the fugly old chap.

OMG. It’s so damn amazing out there. Since I have landed in Mumbai I have forgotten how sky looks at this hour as it’s impossible to move my limbs before 8 O’clock in here but in Shimla my dad used to thump on my door on 4:30 a.m sharp as if he was checking that I was their behind the closed doors or ran away from the balcony over the night. Right at this moment, I am practically hanging out from the window to feel the cool breeze on my face like a Labrador (except my tongue is perfectly on the place) and fuck he nudged me again. What is his problem? Is it my mistake that he is housed on the window seat? Rather he should say sorry for not letting me put my arms on his shoulder for the support and pop my head out to take a good view and compensate by swapping the seats politely.

Ummm……. I am feeling hungry. In all the excitement of going to Goa and spending 3 whole fun days with Priya and all the time I had to spend in exfoliating and moisturizing my skin I forgot to feed myself some decent bowl of cereals or may be Maggie!


Signing off:
Stumped girl in the bus!

GOA..!!!

Hey! Sunday guys! This has been my best Sunday since I set foot in Mumbai because a.) My boss is on leave for next 3 days and b.) Somehow I managed to drive her crazy and she eventually had to agree to send me to Goa (for 3 whole fucking days) for next travel article. Sounds too good to be true??  Fine. How you guys always get to know that I am twisting the tale? Anyways, here is the whole (true!) story: see it’s absolutely true that she is on leave for next 3days as she is going to Singapore for the baby shower of her some long-distance-but-super-rich cousin’s daughter and it’s also true that I am going to Goa. But, I had to literally beg her to let me go to the real places for the sake of good quality of column and she bluntly said NO for some zillion times before agreeing on the condition that I will bear half of my expenses. I tell you, they are such a beggars that sometimes I even wonder how they managed to give us salaries (and trust me it’s too less to even talk about).

 I woke up this morning with a triumphant smile and speed dialed Priya’s number, still juggling to open my eyes.

“Everything ok?” Priya mumbled in the phone and I could almost hear her yawning.

“ummmm….Yes?”  I was pretty awake by now.

“So why the hell are you calling at this insane hour?” she shrieked.

“Insane hour? It’s 8 A.M!”  Can’t I wake up early on Sunday?? Is it that bad?

“Whatever. What you want?” she snapped.

“Guess what? Actually no, let me break the news myself…I am off to Goa!” I announced victoriously. It’s actually a victory. I am probably the first employee of the Glitz who is going on the actual business trip (don’t you dare to forget about that shared expenses condition).

“Get out!” she exclaimed now fully awake “you know I was about to call you today and ask you to take off from your bitch for couple of days and accompany me to Goa to choose my wedding venue” her scream was perfectly capable of making me deaf. Deaf girl in Goa?

“wooooooooooooooooooooooooo” I was going up down, down up, left right, right left, corner centre, centre corner on my bed before finally flopping down on the floor on my old but still gorgeous ivory rug.

“I can’t believe we are going to spend 3 damn days together that to in Goa! On the beaches! In the water! Clad in hot pants! In total insanity!” Priya chirped. I could clearly imagine her nodding her head back and forth like a lunatic.

It’s already 10 p.m and we have our bus at 4 a.m and I haven’t even started packing my coolest hot stuff and I still have to take a bubble bath, scrub and exfoliate myself before landing in the city of surf!  So that’s it for now. Will catch you later! For one last time…..I am going to Goa….yaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy!!

Signing off:

Intoxicated girl in the city!

Met a Stranger with a bang!

It’s been 2 weeks and I have already lost 1 pound! It’s amazing! I am already feeling so glam and so fab. Today morning I walked into the gym almost sleepy as I had to write two damn articles for two damn columns last night. I shouldn’t have accepted to write for travel column. Damn!

I had been writing till 5 A.M about “5 signs will tell You, HE IS A CHEATER” and “Nearest getaways from Delhi”. I always have to watch couple of movies at unearthly hours before writing anything about HE all thanks to no HE in my life. Here I want to admit one thing and that is it’s easy to write about the places you never visited rather than writing about men you never met. Well I walked straight to what seems like treadmill and started walking fuck knows at what speed. After good 10 minutes when I tilted my head slightly to the left to take a good view of purple shadows under my eyes. My sleep was gone, not at the sight of less-purple-more-brownish spots under my eyes but by the sight of him.

He is so cute, no he is so charming…err….it would be best to say he is devastatingly good looking. As I noticed him noticing me first I thought he was just looking at the sleepy, blotchy girl but then I realized he was looking at me. Suddenly my legs went wobbly and I grab the handle and somehow saved myself from embarrassment.  Now I was supper awake and over alert. I started walking in slightly what you call….ummm….yes catwalk style. I could feel my heart jumping and dancing. It’s the first time in my life when someone had noticed my like that rather than vice-versa.

Very graciously I moved from one cardio to the other before ending up standing in the comparatively empty corner of the gym with dumbbells in my arms in front of massive mirror, just next to him. Laalala huaaaa llalallalal daaaadadada dddadadda huaaaa!

As our instructor (our! See I am too good at predicting future) explained us couple of moments and made a quick exit I hastily caught quite a sight of him head to toe, toe to head, he is delicious!

‘Where was he till now? Was he noticing me from the first day? What the hell I was doing? Why I never noticed him before?’ I was demanding myself to answer all such questions when there was bang!

  “Oh shit” I squeak. I had dropped one of the dumbbells on my forehead which left me lying on the floor in peculiar position with my legs twisted to one side and my arms scattered on the other side

“ Are you ok?” devastatingly good looking stranger ran to me and helped me to get up on my foot.

“No! I am not” tears were hotly pressing in my eyes as I caught a glimpse of me in the mirror. Left of my forehead was swollen and few drops of blood were there.

“Oh God! You are hurt” my instructor said pushing past the crowed which was standing in a semi circle and looking at my idiotic face “How does it happen?”

“ummm…ummmmm….. It slipped!” I was too embarrassed to tell him that I was staring this amazing man next to me.

“I must say it slipped very…. Strangely” my instructor said while examining my forehead and I swear I saw this devastatingly good looking stranger suppressing his smile. Logically he should have asked me out for a coffee to compensate because technically he was the force behind my accident. But nothing of that sort happened rather he didn’t even walk me to the gym’s first aid room. So rude of him!

 Why gorgeous men always have to be rude?

I walked to my office with bandage on my forehead which was pretty good sight for Natasha (bitch!). I handed over her my articles and walked straight back to my cubicle to avoid any eye contact. But bitch would always be a bitch; instead of telling me how did she find my articles she rang me to ask “what had happened to my head? I am looking inappropriately funny!” she barked and then broke into devil laugh. I so wanted to go and yell at her face “Shut up you bitch!”

Signing off:

Injured girl in the city!

  

I knew it!

“Hey! Good Morning Aadhya. How are you?” Neha chirped while leaning on the mammoth granite reception counter in gym yesterday.  I just can’t understand one thing why did she always start lolling on the table like some puppy in urgent-need-of-affection whenever she notices my presence? Before yesterday I doubted her being a bisexual but when she told me that she had been reading my column since like forever and really loved my latest article ‘White Is New Black’ during the water break in power yoga session, I was gobsmacked.

No one has ever told me that they read what I write leave alone like. I could feel my cheeks turning into a strange shade of red.

“You….you really liked that?” I mustered my calmness, pushing aside my urge of climbing on the granite counter and yell at the top of my voice ‘Hey! See people love me so much. I am their fashion guru. I am their Love guru’.   

“Yes I do. Rather I would say that I buy Glitz just for your column” she crocked. To be honest I didn’t like her tone. Wasn’t she meant to say it aloud?

“Thanks. I appreciate that” I retort before making my exit, leaving power yoga session in between (I really needed to dance and what could have been the best place other than my apartment?). Poor yoga guru must be wondering where his talented and famous shishya had gone. OK. Fine. He didn’t even know I exist.  He hadn’t even noticed my absence I mean it’s not like I am no one, it’s just that there are ten more people other than me. It’s not easy to keep check on every one. Is it? Ok. He may not know me today but one day, one bloody day he will.

Keeping everything aside the main point I want to tell you guys is “I have my own readers, my own fans”. Readers! Fans!  ( yayyyyayay… llalla lalala huaaa lalala). Ok so what If I know only one reader (fan)? I am sure there must be whole lot of young girls out there who must have been buying Glitz because of me (I always knew that this magazine is nothing without my column. Huh!). should I ask them to make me their partner and fire Natasha Akhtar (bitch!) and make me the chief editor and let me decide what should go in magazine and what should not and let me arrange myself in some flight to Italy, Paris, Russia or may be Switzerland so that I could properly right my travel column?????????????????

I wonder how my parents would have reacted if I would have told them that how close I am to become the Indian Anna Wintour. Well in real my mom would have taken ages to pronounce her name correctly and my dad would have said “you cannot be my daughter. I always knew you were fooling us and doing this shameless job in some shameless magazine who prints half naked models on their cover”.  

I just don’t know why they don’t understand my dream and to be honest I just don’t want to spoil my mood by drooling about it.

P.S:  Sometimes I wish I could tell them ‘one day you guys will proud me’.

Signing off:

Famous girl in the City!

OMG!!!

Yuck! How could someone eat cereals and cold milk for the breakfast?  You remember I told you last time that I was going to get myself enrolled in some gym? So the very next day I woke up an hour early, dressed into caftan (to hide my possibly visible flab!) and strode out on the pavement to look up at the sign boards on the buildings and there just 3 blocks away I found my only and only savior “Gold Gym”. I went in and after 5 minutes I was a bloody gym member. Phew! Now who would stop me from mass killing?

OMG! I am physically challenged now. After three days of supposed exercise (someone should rename this term as Torture), I couldn’t move. I couldn’t walk from one corner to the other corner of my (tiny) apartment without holding and clutching furniture pieces in my way. I had to ask for sick leave from my office and my boss (that bitch!) didn’t even show little concern and asked to write from home or she would shift my cubicle next to that stinking toilet. Oh God please take her with you, save me from being a frustrated (physically challenged) murderer. 

Now after one week. I still can’t walk straight. My muscles are cramped, my body is aching badly and my legs are wobbling (trust me I am not affected by Parkinson).  On the top of it there is nothing to console myself. I always always used to indulge myself in Nutella and yogurt bars for my comfort eating until this unfortunate week, now those gym guys also seems to hate me. They gave me this deadly diet chart which guaranty to lose 2 pounds in a week or maybe lose my life over the nasty meal? Every day I have to thrust these bloody cereals in my mouth and don’t ask about milk. I never had milk in the pure form in my entire life. I am coffee kinda girl dude!

I could have just go out for a simple walk in the park but  god knows what went into me and I walked into the gym paid them grand amount (3000 INR) for a month and literally asked them ‘Hey would u like to make my life a complete hell?’ Damn! I can’t even leave now. 

I am so scared to go to office now. I have a meeting with Natasha and I am sure she is gonna have a good laugh on me. Last time when I crossed her, day before yesterday, she laughed out loud on me. Ok. So what if I was walking with the borrowed stick from the office watchmen? I hate that nasty bitch!

Signing off:

Handicapped girl in the city.